remembering Jenifer

Spring break started here and you've never seen so many kids riding around on their bikes with huge grins . I don't even get a Spring Break and I feel happy!
I have another poem for the day..
.
Pippa's Song
The year's at the spring
and the day's at the morn;
Morning's at seven;
The hillside's dew-pearled;
The lark's on the wing;
The snail's on the thorn;
God's in his heaven----
All's right with the world!

Robert Browning

It is a lovely morning and all feels right with the world...but I must confess that I have been feeling a little sad. (more than I expected). Two years ago this time as many of you know, my sister Jenifer was dying. She had been fighting rectal cancer for about 5 years and had reached the point where there was nothing else to be done. The cancer had spread to her brain and there were tumors all up and down her spine. She was in lot of pain and naturally very sad to know the her time was up. All throughout her illness Jenifer was so positive and upbeat that she had almost convinced us all that in spite of the numbers and test results, that somehow she was going to beat the odds. She did manage to beat them for a while...carrying on with work (for as long as possible), parties and celebrations (as many as possible), volunteering at school, etc.
That April...Elizabeth and Ellen were able to be with her when she came home from the hospital and then when they left, I was able to get there along with my (future) sister-in-law(one of these days)Bridget, Bridget is a nurse and she came up and took charge and with a little help from me we took care of Jenifer. (I won't go into the whole story). Once the word got out the outpouring of love, support, sympathy and kindness was almost unbelievable. Friends, neighbors, co-workers (Jen's and Rob's), teachers, classmates, you name it. It was non stop. It was an incredible experience.(As hard as it was...it was also amazing) A few very close friends came and stayed and for the next week or so we shared many laughs, tears, and quiet moments with each other and Jenifer. It is of course, something I will never forget. That is the way it should be.....surrounded by family, friends and lots and lots of love.
Two years has given me time to move on and the heaviness in my heart is not as bad...most of the time...so it is strange to feel this sadness again. Many times I will think of Jenifer, an wish I could share a laugh with her...and it's hard to stop and think...she's gone.
I think writing a blog would've been good during that time...being able to share my thoughts, concerns, worries, etc.
And while I don't dwell on the past,,,there are some things I learned from my experience. I will always be grateful to my co-workers who called me, to tell me to stay as long as I needed to,,,to not worry about work, they would handle anyhting that needed to be done. (I had planned to be gone a week) When it became obvious that this was it...I was a little concerned about asking for more time...and I certainly didn't want to leave.... so for them to call me and put my mind at ease is something I will never forget...it meant so much.
Another thing is that I try very hard to reach out to people who are going through a difficult time. In the past, like many I would say "Let me know if you need anything"...but I know...I never called anyone to ask for something., didn't want to put anyone on the spot...what if they were busy?..That said there were a few times when I would have loved for someone to call
me up and say "How are you today?" So now I try very hard to do the same for others. I do think about them and want them to know it...because sometimes you just don't know what to say and it's not easy...but it's really not that hard to do and it means a lot. I know I was grateful to those who called out of the blue or stopped by at work and asked how things were going. (hope I didn't scare anyone off! I can be a little reserved sometimes...so I might have surprised a few people when I just opened up) It doesn't have to be some grand gesture...just knowing someone else will listen is often enough.( Long walks and hot baths help too! I took lots of those...nothing clears your head like a long walk...listening to the birds, enjoying the breeze, etc.)
So...I am going to enjoy this spring day and try not too be too sad...because I miss Jenifer...but she was such a happy, giving cheerful person...she would not want us moping around...she would say "It is what it is" and then just keep on going and make the best of it. I usually do...but sometimes it's just a little bit harder than others.