Okay it's been 4 months since I retired and I have to say I'm happy. I'm not bored …..yet; but starting to feel like I need to decide where I want to volunteer. At first I think John felt like he had to keep me busy...but gave up on that pretty quickly. Some days I don't go anywhere...but as long as I have a good book, good music...I'm fine.
First of all...I keep stopping and thinking to myself...how glad I am that I don't have to go to work. That's a little sad....because I did enjoy what I did for a long time. Last year was hard though. I was kind of depressed...and while I sometimes have feelings of melancholy...I can usually shake them off. Last winter (if you can really call it that in Florida) I felt a couple of times like I couldn't shake it. I don't like the short days/dark days of the year...and usually am happier in general once Spring rolls around. Days when I feel like it's a seasonal thing, I just remind myself how happy I am to live in "The Sunshine State". It's not that I'm out sunbathing or lying in the sun....but I sure do like the fact that it's out there the majority of the time! So last year around this time when I was feeling a little down...I just started counting the days until I would be calling it quits. That and lots of bike rides and walks...helped.
Part of my reason for not wanting to be at the library was the fact that I was no longer doing what I really wanted to be doing. It was hard to be at work and see someone else doing my old job and enjoying it. I hated to be there when special events were going on for the kids...I tried to plan vacation days around the times I knew events would be happening. I don't think I had a bad attitude...I tried hard not to...but I didn't like the way I felt. In addition to my own struggles...we had what seemed like a constant turnover of staff. It seemed like we were always in the process of interviewing/hiring/training...etc. Some people left for better opportunities...which is understandable...but others were frustrated like me. It just seemed like morale was kind of low in general. also...the whole place was starting to look a little shabby. The carpets, etc...mostly from when the library opened in 2002..had seen better days. (somedays I'm sure people thought that about me too hahahaha). I hope they are on the County's list of projects to be done...because it could use a makeover.
I did enjoy some of the regular patrons. And I do miss talking with them and comparing notes on new books, etc.
But I was always on the verge of saying "I don't care!!!" when someone started complaining about things...myself included. A new lady got hired and was all perky and happy and said "I'm so happy to be here!" and I just sighed and said "I think I've been here too long". She didn't know what to say. Again...I tried to always be positive with co-workers and the patrons...and believe I succeeded because more than one would say to me..."Oh, I'm so glad you're working! Here's my problem/request/_______".
and I know you can handle this.Especially some of the regulars who had been coming in for years and years.
Since I quit...I think I have only been in about 3-4 times...because I just can't get motivated to go in. I don't want to fake like I'm happy to see everyone...because to be honest I'm not...but I am happy to see some of them. I try to time it to go in at times when I know who will be working. And, there are two other libraries close by. When I go to the Satellite Beach Library...it's just a different feel. The staff looks happy and they did recently get new carpet, etc...so it looks a little nicer. As far as the patrons...because of the way our schedules changed around day to day/ week to week...some of them still may not even realize that I'm not there anymore.
It's interesting. I really do catch myself some days, at certain times...thinking "I am SO glad I'm not there". And this year winter came and went without my usual "rough patch". And that always kind of surprises me ...or just makes me realize I made the right choice. It was time for me to go.
I recently got a nice note from a patron...one of my favorite moms from ST. She wished me well and told me that I was one of her favorite Librarians ever. comments like that make me feel like I did make a difference...at least for some people, and I kind of knew that...but it IS nice to hear.
So....what have I been doing....not much.
We went on the cruise right after I quit. That was fun. Then it was the holidays and we had a lot going on this year...which I like. We've had some nice weather here...so I've had lots of long bike rides and walks...at times when I would've been at work or getting ready for work...and I'm not going to lie...I like that! I've gone to the movies a few times...and I love when no one (well hardly anyone) is in the theater. I can sit and eat my popcorn and enjoy my movie with NO ONE around me. hahah (I know I'm weird...but I do not like crowded theatres. I don't want to hear anyone rattling wrappers or crunching on popcorn or ice or those damn nuts!!!!! hahah Seriously who thought those were a good idea for theaters!!!! (Do I sound like a grouchy old lady...hahah I'm really not)
I have been tidying up a little...getting rid of things I don't need to keep anymore. I feel like I'm making progress...but then I open a closet and I know I can keep that task up for quite a while. I can at least organize all my "stuff"...because sometimes I'll be looking for one thing...come across other things I "forgot" I had...realize...I have too much stuff. What do I really need here? I've made a dent....at least. I've given things away, thrown things away and it's all progress.
I've been to Disney a few times and I love not having to worry about when I can go/when I need to be back etc. It's just nice not to have to ask anyone for time off.
Right now the snowbirds are still in town so volunteers are abundant...once they all start heading home I will find a place I want to go help out. Next year I want to start back with the Rolling Readers program, since I will be able to commit to a weekly schedule again. We are planning to make a nice long trip to NZ next year to visit Megan and Marcus...so once they get settled we'll start making a plan. And who knows what else I'll be doing...possibilities are endless. So far- I'm good!
